I disagree that the best part of waking up is Folger’s in my cup…I personally think the best part of waking up is having my morning hard-on wedged firmly in between a cute girl’s ass cheeks. As long as I’m not too hungover, that’s some good fuckin’ right there.
Since I don’t have children, the only ones who call me ” Daddy ” are the naked girls on my computer.
After eating enough pasta to feed about 4 families, I’m watching ” Chelsea Lately ” and laughing at gay Ross Matthews. I bet Chelsea Handler would be a hoot to drink with, but I wonder if she fucks on the first date? She seems like she would. Awesome.
I’ve got a hot plan to fit my pointy finger with the wonky nail in my butthole. I’m also gonna spray paint the words ” Nipsey Russell ” on Mike the Cat’s fur. banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, FUCK YEAH….
In the next issue of Superbitch Magazine, I’m gonna find a way to put the words ” Happy ” and ” Rape ” in a sentence. In other news, I just ate a great bologna sandwich.
My evil trouser burrito has a mind of its own. Right now it’s driving to the store to pick up rubbers.
Jesse James’ mistress would be kinda hot if she had bigger tits. Well, her face is a bit of a two-bagger…y’know, one to cover her head with and the other to puke in. BLAPPPPPPPPP
I shaved my balls two days ago. It’s an awesome feeling.
Vicodin and wine are good together.
My new one-man metal band is gonna be called, ” CUNT KNIFER “.
A little boy comes home from school and goes ” Dad, I got my first blowjob today. “. The Dad goes, ” That’s great, how was it? ” the boy says, ” tasted AWFUL “.
Dickin' of the SEA.
BTW – the current issue of Superbitch Magazine is almost SOLD OUT. I want this bitch to be completely out of stock by the time the next issue comes out, so order one today, you fucks.
- DAVIES
Head Nigga in charge
