808 STATE " Ninety " Iconic mega-producer Trevor Horn's ZTT records, home to 80's stars Frankie Goes to Hollywood, the Art of Noise, and Propaganda succumbed to the tastes of the late 80's dance music era and signed the Manchester techno band 808 State. The result was 1989's " Ninety - a mash of swirling keyboards, thumping drum machines, and lazy female vocals ( " Magical Dream " ). Not a great CD, but perfect for listening while driving long distances at night or something non-intrusive to have on the stereo while enjoying the company of a member of the opposite sex. Any CD that makes it easier to peel the underpants off of a woman is a good one in my book - NAY, a GOOD BAD CD! Dishonorable mention : " Pacific 202", " 808080808 ", " Sunrise "

ACE FREHLEY " Ace Frehley " IN 1978, glam shock rockers KISS had the brilliant idea to stave off their inevitable break-up by simultaneously releasing solo albums by all four members. Having already reviewed my personal favorite, the Gene Simmons record, in a past Superbitch issue - the most KISS-like of all of the solo records is Ace Frehley's. Sounding very much of a product of its time, this record was produced by legendary engineer Eddie Kramer and features nine guitar riff-based rock songs. Most of the songs are kind of dumb, but dumb in that classic 1970's way - the song " New York Groove " in particular sounds like something you would've heard in a roller rink in 1979 blaring over the speakers, while you try to steal a glance from the pretty girl across the room standing next to the pinball machine. Dumb guitar music = FUN. I'm back in the New York Groove!!! Dishonorable mention : " Rip it out", " New York Groove ", " I'm in need of love"

INSANE CLOWN POSSE " The Wriath: Shangri-La " Universally-hated white rap killer clowns from Oak Park, Michigan always said throughout their sordid career that the 6th album or " Joker's Card ", would signal the end of the earth....well, I'm here to say that the world is still here and much to the chagrin of music critics and Eminem fans everywhere, so are ICP. Aside from the Gene Simmons' solo record ( reviewed in Issue # 3 ), this CD is truly the most utterly fucked-up recording I've ever heard in my life. Imagine NWA and The Geto Boys meets the Beatles, with a litle bit of Stryper ( yes, Stryper, the christian metal band ) covered in clown make-up - the weirdest thing is, it's a totally listenable album. There are some hilarious songs about murdering people, ruining bithday parties, and pickin' up bitches - as well as some unintentionally funny songs about dying, going to heaven, and how the entire Dark Carnival concept is GOD. I swear, these fuckers actually rap and sing about finding GOD on the last song. Y'know, just when you think you've heard it all, a record like this comes out and fucks your whole life right up...but in a GOOD way. Pour me a glass of Faygo NOW, beyatch!! Dishonorable mention : " Walk into Thy Light ", " Juggalo Homies ", " Thy Unveiling "

3RD BASS " The Cactus Album " Even though in the early 90's, the Beastie Boys had transformed themselves from a goofy one-album wonder to a goofy but respected alternative rap trio, you have to remember that in 1989 they were considered MIA and 3rd Bass had taken their place as America's premier white rappers. With one part of the duo being a Sgt. Bilko lookalike sporting a late 80's cameo haircut and the other in a suit smoking an ever-present unlit cigar, they couldn't have looked stupider. Their first CD, " the Cactus Album " is one of the most blatant displays of white guilt and self honky-hatred ever recorded...and is actually not a bad album. Once you get past the fact that the entire lyrical content is about being guilty of having been born caucasian, you can have great fun picking out obvious musical samples like Depeche Mode and Blood, Sweat, & Tears....I'm pretty sure MC Serch is a DJ here in Detroit on WJLB - call him up and give him the GAS FACE!! Dishonorable mention : " The Gas Face", " Wordz of Wizdom ", " Steppin' to the A.M. "

FRANKIE GOES TO HOLLYWOOD " Welcome to the Pleasuredome " Since it's no secret that I'm a huge fan of gay european dance music, it was only a matter of time that I would get around to reviewing the all-time 100% motherload of all gay dance groups ( I know I already said this about my other faves, the Pet Shop Boys ) - Frankie Goes to fuckin' Hollywood! This band is by far one of the most, if not THE most ridiculous band to ever strut across a stage. They even had a member of the band who just danced, for fuck's sake! Their first single, " Relax " was banned in Britian for the outrageous use of the word " come ", and this 1984 double record is full of pulsating ass-shaking bass, loud synths, electronic drums,...and a pretty darn-tootin' cover of Springsteen's " Born to Run ". And while I choose in my private life not to take a throbbing cock into my ass, I can enjoy the sounds of Frankie to my heart's content with a smile on my face and my underwear pulled up past my belly button. " The world is my oyster, HA HA HA HA HA!! " Dishonorable mention : " Relax ", " Born to Run ", " Two Tribes "